Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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