I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
