All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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