Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
