You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
