The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Every concussion has its silver lining
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
