I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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