Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
