I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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