I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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