Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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