My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
