My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
