I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
