sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
