can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
