If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
