I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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