He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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