I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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