i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think my moral compass just broke
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
