And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
