Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
