I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
