Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
