you have to choose: penises or morals?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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