So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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