I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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