Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
