i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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