i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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