That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
