Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
