is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
