you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
