Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
