Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
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