I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
