Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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