You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
