Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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