I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
