her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
