Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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