That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
