I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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