I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
