Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
