a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
