Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
